If you’ve ever been to one of Dov’s programs, "overdelivery" (in the sense of getting far more value than you could have imagined, even if you’ve been to the specific program more than once) couldn’t be more of an understatement.
Chad and I have had very loving, intimate times (and not-so-loving or intimate times) the duration of our relationship, but I don’t think it’s ever been as unpretentious, close, open or deep as after just 1 1/2 days of the Quantum SoulMates for Couples program.
On the first day, we were reminded that Quantum SoulMates don’t magically appear by accident, coincidence or mistake. Instead, we resonate into our life specific people to give us the opportunity for healing and growth.
Chad and I have agreed to take that a step further and enter into a Quantum SoulMate Relationship. This means we have committed to fulfilling the potential to heal and to grow as individuals and as a couple.
This isn’t a light or easy commitment since it entails being willing to look at the wounds I’ve been carrying around and resolving to clean them up when situations in my relationship reveal to me that there is still healing to be done.
As Dov puts it, "It means begin willing to go through whatever you need to go through to get to the other side. When shit comes up, being willing to look first at yourself, not them."
The challenge with this is that everyone has been hurt deeply in their lives and they don’t want to be hurt again.
So, here are for conditions I have to agree to in order to enter a Quantum Relationship:
- Educate myself about relationship beyond social conditioning (Who got an owner’s manual or specific training on how to create, sustain, and grow a healthy relationship?)
- Enter the journey of self-discovery (It’s all about ME, not the other person. I’m the common denominator in all my relationships, romantic or otherwise.)
- Train myself in the new model of relationship (You mean I can do that consciously?!)
- Become accountable to change the behaviors and coping mechanisms that prevent me from creating a Quantum Soulmate Relationship together.
And we’ve already begun both the educate and the self-discovery process.
Very, very profoundly I might add.
Last evening, Renuka led us through an intense process where I really uncovered some "stuff" I thought I’d dealt with. I was amazed the resentment and pain I felt toward my father in particular had not been altogether healed. It not only profoundly affects me, but necessarily affects my relationship with my partner. . .
And not for the good of the relationship.
This is a process of self-discovery, and I’m committed to looking at this head-on and healing it.
One thing’s for sure, and that is I know I felt betrayed by, alienated from, and emotionally abused by my father. He is the architypcal role model I have for men in my life, particularly those who purport to love me and claim to be trustworthy.
Through that process Renuka led, I discovered that in all of my relationships with men of any real depth, I haven’t allowed myself to fully trust them. I expect weakness, betrayal, and lack of trustworthiness.
Guess what’s come up as an issue in my relationship with Chad?
I was talking with my accountability partner and told him that this discovery really informs my attachment to the idea that talk is cheap. Chad often tells me he loves me, but I’m of the "Show-me-the-money" mindset, as in "We’ll see. The proof’s in the pudding."
Of course, Chad has his own issues that inevitably work their way into our relationship, and to be sure, trust in any relationship is essential.
However, my unresolved (or better said, unhealed) issues of trust with my dad clearly strain and put an unnecessary burden on our relationship.
Dov and Renuka describe this issue (which trust is only one of many) as part of My Buried Unconscious Childhood Agenda.
Wow. Imagine bringing and agenda into our relationships! Yet, that’s why we enter into relationships at all, to heal and to grow, and to raise consciousness of who we really are and who we can be.
And only the tip of the iceberg (which itself is and overstatement) of the amazing learning (and learning experiences, since this program is highly interactive) that took place yesterday.
It’s almost time to begin another 12+ hour day of intense clearing of junk, discovery of new tools for moving through conflict, and greater levels of intimacy ("into me see") with my partner.
More soon . . .